What’s your IOS?

Personality inventories intrigue me, so how could I resist offering to play guinea pig for a friend learning to analyze personality type? Piece of cake, I thought. I know myself.

When we got to talking about organization, I explained that I’m random and don’t come by organization naturally, but that I’ve learned to organize myself. My elementary school desks were always a mess, and my mother made me clean my room every Thursday. It took hours, but my room was tidy once a week for Friday cleaning. 

My friend disagreed. He convinced me that I actually am an organized person, whether it’s a natural trait or an acquired one. For instance. my bookshelves. I have a shelf of books on Turkey, a shelf of reference books, one of books by people I know, and another of books for my book group. I also have a shelf of children’s picture books from teaching writing. In my office I have books on writing, plays, and novels I can’t part with. Oh, and there’s also a shelf of books I hope to get to one day.

Does that mean I’m organized? A few of my friends are a high step up, with books arranged by author or the Dewey decimal system. I’m not kidding. Now THAT’S organized!

We’ve spent the last four days caring for grandchildren, and though it’s been fun, we’re exhausted. I asked if they were organized, and they couldn’t decide. When I asked how they arrange their books, though, they knew exactly what I meant. They’re all about books, those two. They spend half their time reading (warms my heart). Hazel, almost eight, keeps her Dr. Seuss books together on one shelf and has the others organized by series. Pretty impressive for such a little kid, I’d say.

Hazel’s Seuss books, nearly alphabetical, with a few extras interspersed.

And her DORK Diaries are bunched together as well.

Fletcher, age ten, has a totally disorganized bookshelf spilling out onto the floor. His action figures and Legos, though, are another story, neatly tucked into bins in his closet. Priorities, I guess. 

Fletcher’s books are helter-skelter in his room.

But his toys are neatly arranged in his closet.

AND YOU?

So—what about you? Take this handy-dandy survey to discover your Inner Organizational Self (your IOS):

A. How do you organize the books in your personal library?:

1. Each book is arranged by author or topic.
2. They’re carefully arranged by height and/or color. 
3. I try to keep fiction separate from non-fiction.
4. They’re on shelves, which works fine for me.
5. My books are scattered and stacked all over the house.

B How do you keep track of your schedule?

1. I enter every appointment , meeting, visitor, and trip on a calendar.
2. I have a calendar on the refrigerator for important appointments.
3. I remember everything in my head.
4. I try to remember everything but should start writing things down.
5. Schedule? I go with the flow.

C. How do you approach your mail, bills, and documents?

1. I process mail as it comes in, pay the bills and file away the records.
2. I process the important things and set the others aside for later.
3. I try to stay on top of mail, but sometimes it piles up.
4. I set it aside to go through when I have time.
5. I throw everything into a box and hope it goes away.

OK—So count your points based on the numbers of your responses. 

1-5 Impressive! You get an A for organization. Your life is probably running smoothly and you don’t lose a lot of sleep over unfinished duties. Oh, if only we were all so on top of things. You have an IOS to be proud of!

6-10 You’re In Like Flynn, one of the gang, comfortable but organized enough to keep things rolling in your life. You may get to feeling a little behind at times, but you do your best. Who could ask for more? Your IOS is just right for you.

11-15 Hopeless, hopeless, hopeless! Well, at organization, anyway. Your easy-going nature is probably a day-brightener for those around you. Keep thinking positive and maybe things will work out after all. Sadly, your IOS is a bit lacking. Oh, well.

Whatever your IOS, give a thought to how you organize your world. You might want to make some changes, or maybe you should just pat yourself on the back for the incredible person you are. 

Breathe Less

So, the good news is that we’re still breathing—you as you read this and me as I write it. The bad news is that we’re breathing too much through our mouths. Who knew? I have minor lung damage from pneumonia, so when a friend recommended I read Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art by James Nestor, I hoped it would help me improve my lung capacity. What it did was open my eyes.

The book opens with Nestor skeptically attending a breathing class recommended by his doctor for health reasons. For the first fifteen minutes of guided breathing he was bored, bored, bored. By the end of the session he was energized and had broken out in a sweat. The experience prompted years of study on breathing, and I’m fascinated with his findings. Different breathing techniques can address asthma, depression, anxiety, and arthritis, among other things (from singing better to preventing cancer).

The long and short of his message (at least for me) is that we should breathe more through our noses and do so more slowly. He and another man participated in an experiment where their noses were plugged for ten days. After 240 hours of mouth breathing, their stress-related hormones spiked, their blood pressure skyrocketed, and their heart rate variability plummetted (indicating a fight-or-flight mode). They both developed bouts of sleep apnia, often awakened by choking from collapsed tissue in their throats. They both complained of fatigue, irritation, testiness, and anxiety as well as disgusting breath, spaciness, and stomach aches. Nestor said it was awful. 

Within a few days of normal breathing, their symptoms subsided, proving how important our noses are. Nose breathing is fundamental to yoga practice, which encourages us to breathe consciously in through the nose and out through the mouth. I’ve been trying to focus on nose breathing, and it’s not hard. I just close my mouth. (Duh.) When you nose breathe, you don’t snore, so getting into that practice might improve your sleep (as well as that of your partner or pet).

Nestor’s book focuses on a number of different breathing techniques, but there are two that I’d encourage all of us to practice. One is breathing more slowly. Research has shown that the optimum number of breaths is 5.5 per minute. It’s an easy rule—breathe in 5.5 seconds (through your nose), then breathe out 5.5 seconds, which comes out to about 5.5 breaths per minute. If you do this consciously for even a few minutes a day, it will relax you as it improves your health. The average adult person takes twelve to sixteen breaths a minute; hopefully, you’ll end up breathing more slowly all the time. “A yogi measures the span of life by the number of breaths, not the number of years.” ~Swami Sivananda

The second practice I’d recommend is that of alternate nostril breathing, which improves lung function and lowers heart rate, blood pressure, and sympathetic stress. Put simply, it relaxes you. 

Photo from Healthy Zen

Nestor’s instructions:

“Place the thumb of your right hand gently over your right nostril and the ring finger of that same hand on the left nostril. The forefinger and middle finger should rest between the eyebrows. Close the right nostril with the thumb and inhale through the left nostril very slowly. At the top of the breath, pause briefly, holding both nostrils closed, then left just the thumbe to exhale through the right nostril. At the natural conclusion of the exhale, hold both nostrils closed for a moment, then inhale through the right nostril. Continue alternating breaths through the nostrils for five to ten cycles.”

I encourage you to practice these techniques daily and make a conscious effort to breathe in through your nose whenever you think of it. It’s not a lot of work, and you may find yourself a relaxed, happier person. 

Wipe Wisely

I hate to be indelicate, but it’s high time we all wipe more responsibly. Yup. I mean our bottoms. The NRDC (Natural Resources Defense Council) recently published their annual survey on the sustainability of toilet paper brands, and it opened my eyes.

I had no idea that most of our toilet paper comes from Canadian virgin timber, and it turns out the boreal forest is the world’s most carbon-dense forest. Who knew? Extending from the northern U.S. through Canada, the boreal forest holds twice as much carbon in its soils and trees as all the world’s oil reserves. It’s also the home of hundreds of Indigenous communities and abundant wildlife. Definitely worth preserving.

Lake Agnes, northern Minnesota’s boreal forest

I’ve been purchasing bamboo paper products from Grove, an online subscription-based seller. Though I patted myself on the back for being a responsible wiper, these bamboo products only earned a B on the NRDC Issue with Tissue ratings. WHAT??? 

Well, reading the fine print on the report shed some light on their reasoning. They gave the highest scores to tissues that come from recycled content, particularly post-consumer content from recycling programs. The production of recycled tissue produces 1/3 the carbon emissions of that produced from virgin wood.

They also preferred post-consumer paper to industrial waste paper because it supports the recycling industry, generating jobs and promoting a circular economy in sustainability. You know—reduce, reuse, recycle.

From Market Business News definition of a Circular Economy

Bamboo paper is a good option because bamboo grows incredibly fast, but some of it is grown on areas where old timber was burned to make way for bamboo. Consequently, it doesn’t get the high rating of the recycled tissues.

The survey’s complicated point system also includes credit for ethical forestation practices, including replanting, protecting wildlife species, and respecting Indigenous Peoples’ rights. 

It’s clear, though, that recycled paper gets the highest ratings. Interestingly, too, some of the recycled toilet tissue brands are only partially recycled material. Hmmm… 100% recycled tissue is also better for septic systems because it has shorter fibers that deteriorate more quickly in septic tanks. If you want to test a few brands for “septic health,” put about 4 to 5 squares of each into a large mason jar or clear container, then fill it 3/4 full of water. Cover and shake vigorously for ten seconds, then check to see whether it’s broken apart into tiny pieces. Roto Rooter suggests trying different brands to find the one that breaks down the best. I was amazed at how easily recycled tissue breaks down. Kirkland, Scott and Charmin not so much.

Trader Joe’s toilet paper received an A+ rating

The NRDC survey evaluated sixty toilet paper brands as well as paper towel and facial tissue brands. Only four TP brands earned an A+: Green Forest, Natural Value, Trader Joe’s, and 365 Every Day Value (Whole Foods).  The down side is that they cost a little more, some up to $2 a roll. Seventh Generation (available locally) and Marcal (available online) both received an A rating and cost slightly less than a dollar a roll.

As I investigated the plethora of A-rated butt-wiping options, I was intrigued with Who Gives A Crap tissue, partly because of its moniker and partly because the rolls are wrapped in a cheerful variety of printed paper. I find the whole concept amusing.

By the way, all five of our best-selling toilet paper brands received an F rating because they’re made almost exclusively of virgin pulp from centuries-old timber in Canada. Those top forest-destroying brands were Charmin, Angel Soft, Northern, Cottonelle, and Scott. Enough said. (I bought my last Kirkland TP a few months ago.)

I hope you give a crap and will wipe wisely in the future. 

I do, and I will.

I’ll take mine black—health & trivia

“I love coffee, I love tea. I love the boys, and the boys love me.”

I chanted that silly jump-rope jingle hundreds of times on the Oak Knoll Playground, certain I’d never acquire a taste for either coffee or tea. Little did I know. Today I live for that first morning cup.

My earliest coffee memory was watching Dad pour his steaming coffee into a saucer, slurping it carefully before racing off to work. Mom often sat at our yellow formica table, chatting over steaming cups of coffee with a friend. I remember, too, being told that coffee would stunt my growth. I was big for my age, so I snuck a sip in hopes it would retard my vertical development—YUCK! I swore off coffee forever. My resolve was strengthened by Mr. Ryshavy’s rancid coffee breath in 6th grade. I worshipped the man, but his breath could send me reeling to my seat.

A NEED FOR THE CAFFEINE PERK

Circumstances forced me to change my mind. As a university freshman, my procrastination got the best of me; at 10:00 one night a research paper and a final exam necessitated a quick dose of caffeine. I hated Coke and refused to take No-Doz (drugs!), so what was left? Coffee. Ralph & Jerry’s Grocery was open ‘til midnight, so I headed out for some instant Jo. I choked it down with a half cup of sugar, and it did the trick. I was up all night.

I decided it might behoove me to acquire a taste for the stuff. For the next few years I searched out all the coffee-flavored sweets I could find to acclimate myself to coffee’s bitter taste. Thanks to coffee ice cream and Coffee Nips, by the time I graduated, I actually liked it. 

My taste buds have been further transformed by egg coffee, trips to Starbucks, treks through Europe, and finally, my own French press. Love the stuff—the stronger the better.

COFFEE OFFERS HEALTH BENEFITS

Over the years, coffee has gotten a bad rap, but more recent tests have indicated that it offers health benefits. According to Donald Hensrud, M.D. of the Mayo Clinic, coffee has been shown to “protect against Parkinson’s disease, type 2 diabetes, and liver disease, including liver cancer. Coffee also appears to improve cognitive function and decrease the risk of depression.”

Not only that, but consuming four to five cups of coffee a day has been shown to decrease the risk of Alzheimer’s disease, according to research by Dr. Chuanhai Cao at the University of South Florida.

Of course, drinking too much coffee can have health risks as well. As with most foods, moderation is the key.

COFFEE TRIVIA

•Brazil produces 40% of the world’s coffee, twice as much as 2nd and third place Colombia and Vietnam.

•Coffee was discovered in Turkey around 800 A.D. and is currently the most widely consumed beverage in the world.

•In Turkey, the bride-to-be is expected to brew perfect Turkish coffee for her intended groom and his parents before they will approve the match, and then the husband promises to always keep the wife supplied with coffee beans. If he doesn’t, it’s grounds for divorce (pardon the pun).

•Beethoven was a coffee fanatic and counted out exactly 60 beans to brew each cup of coffee.

•The Americans, French, and Germans consume 65% of the world’s supply of coffee.

•Honoré de Balsac, a famous 19th century French writer, drank up to 40 cups of coffee a day.

•Coffee represents 75% of all the caffeine consumed in the United States (Coke comes second).

•Coffee beans are actually berries, not beans.

•The human body can absorb up to about 300 milligrams of caffeine at a given time; additional amounts are sluffed off, providing no further stimulation. The body dissipates 20% of the caffeine in the system each hour.

•Dark roasted coffees actually have less caffeine than medium roasts, because the longer beans are roasted, the more caffeine burns off in the process.

So enjoy! And remember the Turkish proverb, “Coffee should be black as hell, strong as death, and sweet as love.”

This article first appeared on Sixty and Me:

Oh, my aching feet!

At a recent gathering with women friends, our discussion ran to the unglamorous topic of feet. You know, this little piggie and all that. I had to chuckle as we raved about the comfort of our less-than-fashionable footwear. 

Three of us were wearing clunky shoes  recommended by our doctors for various foot ailments. If anyone would have told me twenty years ago that I’d be decked out in orthopedic shoes like Grandma, I’d have laughed.

Well, here I am. And I’m not laughing.

What happened? Well, age has plenty to do with it, along with overtaxing my hoofers. Their demise began after a few glorious months of pounding away for hours at dance class—modern dance and tap. I loved it, but my feet didn’t.

Before long it was agony to stand barefoot on my kitchen floor. I struggled with heel pain for quite a while before I went to see Dr. Mike, my sports medicine guru. The culprit? Plantar fasciitis.

Ah, relief!

Mike fitted me with orthotics to support my arches and told me to give up dancing until my feet were healed. Sigh…

Other foot ailments plague us: heel spurs, bunions, and Achilles tendonitis. Morton’s neuroma and hammertoes are two more issues common in the middle years. I’d always been aware of athlete’s foot and blisters, but who knew we’d face these tortures?

The tortures, defined:

ACHILLES TENDONITIS is  soreness on the back of the ankle, sometimes with a sharp pain in the calf, caused by stressing and inflaming the Achilles tendon.

Bunion, Mayo Clinic

BUNION is a large bulge on the outside of your big toe joint, resulting from fallen arches and a tendency to overpronate or from wearing tight shoes.

HEEL SPURS are abnormal bony growth on the bottom of the heel caused by plantar fasciitis or an over-stressed arch (from overuse or running).

Hammertoe, Mayo Clinic

HAMMERTOE is having a middle toe that curls under and develops a corn on top, often the result of an overly long middle toe.

MORTON’S NEUROMA is a pain or burning on the underside of your foot, behind the toe, caused by a thickening of tissue around the nerves between the toes. It’s more common in women from wearing heels or tight shoes.

PLANTAR FASCIITIS is pain caused by the straining of tissue connecting the heel to the toes, which can be caused by fallen arches, tight calf muscles, weight gain, worn shoes, or excessive walking.

So how can we prevent foot maladies?

First, wear comfortable, roomy shoes—and give up those heels! Find shoes that give your feet support without cramping your toes. Treat your feet especially kindly if you are going to overtax them with a dance class or a marathon: make sure you wear quality shoes, and if you suspect you may have injured your feet, use ice as you would on any injury to keep inflammation from destroying tissue. Replace running shoes at least every 500  miles (or every six months, whichever comes first).

Love your feet!

Another factor that affects your feet is, of course, the load they carry. If the load is equal to the length times the width…figure it out. You may not be able to do much about your height, but girth is within your control–enough said.

It’s been shown that differences in gait can contribute to foot problems, too. Most people step first on the outside of the heel and then the rest of the foot rolls in toward the big toe. Pronating is walking more on the insides of your feet, while supinating is walking more on the outside. You can tell how you walk by looking at the bottom of a worn pair of shoes. The wear should be fairly consistent down the middle of the sole. If there is more wear to the inside or the outside, your stride may be “off.” You can go to an athletic shoe store for help in finding the best shoes to correct your problem.

I’ve tried to alter my supinating stride deliberately, but it’s hard after 60+ years of walking like a duck. I have found a shoe, though, that adjusts for my problem. My high-arched, supinating feet like New Balance athletic shoes.

Custom orthotics

Another option is to get orthotics, which are basically custom-designed inserts to correct your foot issues. If you don’t want to spend the money on custom orthotics, drug store inserts can provide arch support or cushion.

If you’d like more information on foot ailments and their treatments, check out WebMD on foot problems. It’s not surprising that almost every ailment can be eased by wearing sensible, well-fitted shoes (like my grandma—and me). It’s worth putting money on your feet; they’re your ticket to the exercise that helps you lead a long, healthy life.

Until your feet heal, consider joining the gang at the pool for exercise. Swimming and water aerobics are easy on your feet.

Now that my feet are healed, I’m back to walking every morning. I still love to dance, too, but I do it in my Danskos—clunky but comfortable, with good arch support. Grandma would approve.

A version of this article first appeared on Sixty and Me:

http://sixtyandme.com/oh-my-aching-feet-why-i-finally-decided-to-toss-my-heels/

Which sounds better, a half hour of exercise or a half-hour massage?

What a quandary, eh?

No need to decide, because you can get both at once with qigong (CHEE-gong), the gentlest form of martial arts. For a few years I watched a small group of men and women leave our local YMCA’s Qigong session with serene smiles on their faces. A friend in the group explained that it was an Eastern practice like yoga or tai chi. Sadly, I didn’t have time to squeeze another class into my busy life.

I finally I decided to give it a try. Chatting with participants before class, I learned that they never missed a session. Hmmm…

I brought my yoga mat, but there was no need; we remained standing for the entire class as Mona led us through a series of slow, gentle stretches and movements combined with deep breathing. At first I found it a bit odd. The repetitive movements were simple, and it didn’t feel like exercise. “Jerry would never put up with this,” I thought to myself, but then my husband’s a sceptic who thinks even chiropractic is voodoo.

After a half hour of stretches, movements, and sounds, I was transformed. My body was relaxed and my mind soothed. I felt like I’d been on a massage table for an hour. It was absolutely miraculous, and I didn’t understand why.

I was hooked.

 

What is qigong?

According to Chinese philosophy, the practice of qigong allows access to higher realms of awareness by balancing the qi (chi, or energy) within the body. Qigong’s range of smooth, gentle movements help strengthen balance as well as foster a sense of peace and well-being. The National Qigong Association in Minnesota summarizes it as “a mind-body-spirit practice that improves one’s mental and physical health by integrating posture, movement, breathing technique, self-massage, sound, and focused intent.” Mona explains the effect of each movement on our health as we practice it. For a more thorough description of qigong, visit the NQA website.

What are the exercises like?

Qigong exercises range from very simple movements and sounds to more complicated sequences called the five animals. (My favorite is The Crane.) It also includes static meditative practices. “It’s a gentler form of tai chi,” Mona explains.

Let me describe a few of the movements. We always start in a quiet standing position with feet together. We slowly lift the left foot and place it about hip-width from the right. We slightly bend our knees and start with arm swings, swinging our hands up as high as our head, then down and back behind us, bending a bit on the downward swing. We repeat this movement for about a half minute.

We go through a series of other simple movements, and because I hold a lot of stress in my neck, I particularly like one where we bend our heads forward on an exhale, then breathe in (always through the nose) as we lift our head, drop it back on an exhale, then lift it back up on an inhale. We repeat this about five or six times. Then we switch direction, this time tilting the head to the right shoulder, inhaling as we bring bring it straight up, then tilt it to the left. I love what this exercise does for my tight neck. Try it.

How does Qigong affect you?

After my first few classes I thanked Mona for introducing me to qigong. I shared that after class I feel like I’ve had a two-hour massage. Mona looked at me with her gentle smile and replied, “I know. I get it, too. That’s why I teach the class.”

If you’re interested in trying qigong, I’d recommend looking for a class in your community. If that’s not possible, I’ve found two YouTube videos that are great for beginners.

Qigong for Beginners (30 minutes)

Marissa does a beautiful job of guiding the viewer through a number of movements with clear explanations. If you’re interested in trying Qigong, this is a great way to start.

 

 

8 Simple Movements of Qigong for Beginners by Jake Mace  (10 minutes)

If you’re tight for time but curious, this video will introduce you to some basic Qigong movements.

I must admit, I’m thankful to have discovered this beautiful practice and intend to continue with it.

A version of this article first appeared on Sixty and Me, a website I write for monthly.

~Ann Marie

Want to live longer? Make friends. Women friends.

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”

Yup. They’re beyond precious, my women friends. They’ve reveled in my joys, shared my adventures, and pulled me through my crises. I treasure every single one of them.

Members of my canoe group, the Ladytrippers, trekked to Istanbul while I lived there. Here we’re toasting their first taste of rakı, the Turkish anise-flavored liqueur.

As I enter this glorious final chapter of my life, I realize how very important friends are. In fact, it’s proven to be one of the factors contributing to long life. A 2006 study of 3000 nurses with breast cancer showed that those with close relationships were four times more likely to survive their cancer than those without close friends. Amazing.

Some friends come and go while others stay with us for years, but it’s clear that one of the best places you can put your energy is into developing and maintaining strong relationships.

I remember a day long ago when a woman I’d only just met came to my door with a fresh-baked breakfast cheescake. When I invited her in, she said, “As soon as I met you, I knew I wanted to be your friend.” Annie’s been my closest friend for 37 years. If you find yourself needing a good friend, try her technique. It sure worked for us.

Annie and Ann Marie–friends for 37 years so far. Activity abounds in this relationship.

Are you shy? Hesitant to reach out? Give yourself a kick. Anyone can build friendships, but it takes some effort.. It’s never too late.

Revive connections with old schoolmates

If you’re active online, seek out old friends through facebook or classmates.com. Attend a reunion and make a point of renewing contact with someone you enjoy. At my 35th reunion I bonded with Deidre, a former acquaintance who had moved to Germany, and it turned out she and I had more than a high school crush in common. We’ve gotten together countless times between Germany and Turkey, and she’s broadened my life immeasurably.

Deidre and I dressed to celebrate the New Year in Turkey

Deidre dances in the New Year with the Turks.

I also have a childhood friend who decided to organize a reunion of neighborhood playmates. Old bonds were instantly renewed, and the six of us fell into comfortable and caring talks about families, activities, aging, and ourselves. We six gather from around the country every few years to enjoy yet another Oak Knoll retreat.

The six Oak Knoll buddies pose at Sally’s house on our first reunion.

A reunion gathering on Lake Superior’s North Shore (all but me–someone had to take the photo!)

 

Join a book group…or START one!

Retired women have time to read, and we all enjoy re-viewing our lives through literature. My first book group lasted fifteen years, and I actually mourned its passing. We ranged in age from 30 to 70, and the cross-generational sharing created deep connections. I keep in contact with many of these women, and I’ve since joined another book group that is becoming as close as that one was. It takes time to build trust, but it’s a precious commodity worth the effort.

 

Pull together an activity group

If you like to hike, start a hiking group. If you like to travel, pull together people to share travel tales or even travel together. Ski? Bike? Swim? Whatever activity you enjoy can become the focus of a friendship-building group.

When I was in my 30’s with small children, my friend Susan suggested that we organize a women’s canoe trip. Susan and I were the only experienced canoeists, but our friends soldiered through learning to paddle and portage. Of course, the best part was non-stop talking for four days. After 25 years of wilderness trips with the same incredible women, our bonds are deep. Though our canoeing days are behind us, we still gather for an overnight retreat every year. 

The Ladytrippers, my canoe group, after a wet final day. We took a summer canoe trip every year for 25 years. Susan, the organizer, is bottom right.

Start a writing group

Writers often operate in a void, and writer’s groups are a way to connect. Though it may feel risky to to share your writing, there’s a payoff. I’ve found it to be a stimulating and supportive environment. I always leave my writing group filled to the brim. I admire every one of those women, and we celebrate each other’s accomplishments.

My writing group outside Kari Vick’s studio shop. These women motivate and support one another every month. I love it! (20 years and counting…)

If you’d like to start a writer’s group (or a book group), you might work through your local library. Attend writing conferences and suggest putting together a writers group, either in person or online.

Create a theater group

My parents were part of a play reading group when I was young, and they developed lifelong relationships with the couples who met to share a dinner and read a play every month. Another option is to find a person or group of people to attend theater events together.

Embrace a group at church

Attending church is both healthy and inspirational, and if you are an attender, take another step to involve yourself in a church group: a women’s guild, a governing board, or a discussion group.

Become a volunteer

Every community needs volunteers, and everyone has skills to share. You will surely build relationships through whatever service you take on. Think through what you care most about and offer to volunteer your time for that cause.

Take a class

If you like art, find a course through community education. If you’re interested in nature, find a biology course or project to involve yourself in. Not only will you build friendships, but you will also keep your brain alert and active.

Take Action Today

However you go about building stronger relationships, make a point of reaching out to really know the people you connect with. Ask about their lives, their families, and even their struggles. Be sure, too, to share your own stories. It’s amazing how much support we can offer each other once we open up. Women get it. (And some men do, too.)

A North Shore fall hike with good friends Annie, Thelma and Jeanne with all our doggie friends.

 

An earlier version of this article appeared on sixtyandme.com.

http://sixtyandme.com/9-ways-to-live-longer-by-reaching-out-to-make-women-friends/

Online Dating? A Daunting Task

When I found myself single after 32 years of marriage, I vacillated between delight and despondency. After three years on my own I tentatively approached online dating, and my numerous coffee date debacles taught me a lot.

My sweetheart Phil from eharmony. The relationship was great, but the long miles between Michigan and Turkey ended it.

Online dating is like grocery shopping: read labels carefully, then proceed with caution. After ten years of plowing through Match.com profiles both clever and dull, I’d like to share some tips for those of you ready to launch into this intimidating arena. Though I write as a woman searching for a man, my advice applies if you’re looking for a same sex partner as well.

First, accept the fact that you probably won’t find the right partner right away. It takes work, and the truth is— Ya gotta kiss a lotta frogs.

 

A picture is worth a thousand words.

Look beyond that first smiling mug shot. If the rest of his photos are cars, trucks, and motorcycles, prepare to play second fiddle to them. Of course, if you enjoy car shows and motorcycle rallies, go for it!

Is he smiling or serious? A smile speaks for itself, while a serious expression…well, some serious men are deep, deep, deep. Others are just plain downers.

Do his photos show him interacting with family or friends? If they do, he’s probably socially engaged, which most women prefer. Either that or his daughters posted his profile.

Lots of tattoos? If you don’t mind tattoos, ask for a close-up photo. Whether it’s MOTHER printed in a heart, a skull and crossbones, or Bart Simpson, tattoos speak volumes about values.

Photos say more about a person than any well-crafted profile, especially since many guys have someone else write their profiles.

Once you’ve read a profile, think about what he DIDN’T say. Beware of stock descriptions, and note what’s out of the ordinary.

“I love the outdoors and want a woman to sit by the fire with a glass of wine or walk the beach holding hands.”

Gak! Though these sentiments sound sweet, they don’t show much imagination— many profiles include these lines. Who doesn’t like walking on a beach? Loving the outdoors might mean mowing and raking the yard, hunting and fishing, or skiing through a snow-draped forest. If you’re interested, ask for details.

Here’s an interesting post:

“Car person,have a couple I am working on. .golf, read, walk , bike, NASCAR, Twins”

If you can get past the grammar mistakes (which speak for themselves), this fellow is a busy guy doing guy things. Are these the activities you want to share? Ask him how much time he has for another person. If you’re looking for someone who reads a lot and converses well, this might not be your man. (I’d blow him off.)

Look for traits in the writing style: a sense of humor, warmth, exuberance, sociability…

This post caught my eye:

“I can still feed myself! Looking for someone to chat with, Walks, talk, pen-pal/friendship, coffee,. Someone down to earth, not someone looking at their phone all the time.”

I like the “feed myself” line—good humor. It looks like he values communication, at least person-to-person. Few of us like being with people tied to their phones, but what do you think about a man who puts his pet peeves right up front? Would he be difficult to please?

Here’s another…

“I have a kind and gentle soul, but don’t make the mistake of thinking I am weak. I have a quick wit, and I am easy to talk to. I like the outdoors, photography, painting, flea markets, estate sales, I like the beautiful things in life, pretty ladies, autumn leaves, little babies. I love music, and reading.

I would like to share the love of nature and all God has to offer.”

This is a man who has many interests and seems to know himself. I wonder, though, why he included the comment about liking pretty ladies. Does he have a wandering eye? The mention of God points to a religious bent, a gentle indicator from this gentle man.

How about this one from Craig’s List?

“How does a regular guy seriously looking for a real woman post an ad that will garner attention in this potpourri of ads, be read & elicit a response from a decent quality woman on this site with all these stupid & sexual ads — and that’s putting it nicely!”

So far this fellow sounds frustrated. His writing style, though, shows intelligence, so I’d read on. Big words—no dummy. It’s hard to imagine dating someone so cheap he’ll only post on Craig’s List, though, a minefield of tacky posts.

Be wise about meetings and sharing information.

Once you find someone who interests you, proceed with caution. Choose public meeting places and don’t share your address until you’ve met this person a few times and feel assured of his integrity.

If you look carefully at profiles and read between the lines, you’ll save yourself a lot of time as well as some coffee date debacles. You might even find someone worth pursuing.

I recommend checking  the highest rated dating sites  before diving into the fray. I was greatly impressed by eharmony.com, mainly because it requires numerous personality and interest surveys that take out the work of sifting through hundreds of profiles. After being single for ten years, I finally found a partner, Jerry, introduced to me by a previous Match connection who dropped me for a younger woman. It’s worked out great for us.

Jerry and Ann Marie on the Princes Islands in Turkey–before we got married.

A version of this article was previously published on Sixty and Me, a web site I write for monthly:

http://sixtyandme.com/online-dating-after-60-here-are-4-ways-to-simplify-your-experience/

Try to remember…

Art from Soundcloud.com-posted by Wullie Blake

“It’s the nouns that go first,” a good friend quipped when she couldn’t remember a favorite author’s name. How true. Every year it seems to take me longer to learn names and phone numbers, and lately I need an extra hour to pull some words out of my memory—if they ever come. More often, too, the wrong word pops out of my mouth. When I say “January” but really mean “July,” my women friends understand and put together the meaning from context. The men in my life just get confused and frustrated with me. Don’t they know I can’t help it?

Billy Collins said it best in his poem, “Forgetfulness.” Click here to see an animated version of the poem on YouTube. It’s one of my faves.

What can I do to protect my memory?

More and more of us are living longer, and the majority of us will live well into our 80’s. So am I facing an unavoidable mental decline in the coming decades? NO!

SLEEP MORE

We can take some simple steps to boost our memory, and the first is as basic as breathing: get plenty of sleep. Sleep deprivation has a huge impact on mental functioning, and too many of us ignore this important aspect of a healthy lifestyle. Most people need at least eight hours of sleep a night (every night, not just on weekends) in order to give our brains time to regenerate cells and reorganize information as we sleep. A body deprived of sleep loses ground with memory.

EAT WISELY

The next item on the list is nutrition. According to the Harvard Medical School, a healthy, balanced diet is one of the proven ways to protect your memory. They also recommend regular exercise, not smoking, and keeping blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar in check.

Of all the nutrients, B vitamins are the most essential for helping your mind stay sharp. Your body uses B vitamins to turn food into mental energy and to repair brain tissue. Thiamin, niacin, and vitamins B6 and B12 are probably the most important for mental functioning. Many breads, cereals, and pastas are enriched with thiamin and niacin, so usually we get enough of these nutrients. B vitamins also occur naturally in meat, poultry, shellfish, baked potatoes, bananas, and chickpeas. Nutritional yeast is also a great source for B-vitamins.

Another factor in avoiding “brain drain” is getting a good supply of blood to the brain. Back to low fat and high fiber, which keep your veins and arteries clear. Health tips keep coming back to a low fat diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables. O.K. I can do that.

DRINK COFFEE

Those of us who rely on coffee for a jump-start each morning may be pleased to learn that a recent study at Johns Hopkins University found that “caffeine has a positive effect on long-term memory.” Of course, moderation is the key here: too much coffee can make you jittery and reduce your concentration, and coffee has other negative effects, too.

POP A MINT

Another short-term boost to mental functioning might be peppermint. After hearing about a study linking mint chewing with higher test scores,  I gave my students  peppermint candy during their state writing test. A few students swore that it made a difference, and at least they all had sweet breath (and thought I was wonderful).

Last but not least, go light on alcohol. Alcohol destroys brain cells every time you use it. Many doctors recommend abstaining completely to keep your mind at its sharpest, but at the very least, it’s wise to limit yourself to one or two drinks a day.

WEB SITES?

It’s true that you can improve your memory by challenging yourself. You can do it with the online sites, but it might be cheaper and more effective for you to challenge your brain by learning something new: master a language, learn to play a musical instrument, or volunteer at something that’s new to you. The important thing is to engage your brain with new and challenging situations.

HISTORICALLY…

I consulted one of my more obscure resources to get a historical perspective on memory: Vivilore: The Pathway to Mental and Physical Perfection., © 1904. This guidebook, written over 100 years ago by Mary Ries Melendy, warns not to think about or handle the sexual organs because “it draws the blood away from the spine and the brain. It lays the foundation for consumption, paralysis and heart disease. It weakens the memory, and makes [one] careless, stupid, and too lazy to study or even play with any keen enjoyment.”

WOW! We’ve come a long way,  baby.

So—choose your own path, but remember…

remember…

Oh, well.

 

Travel is so Broadening… in 10 ways

I recently returned from three weeks in Turkey. My heart was full, my mind replete with warm memories, and my computer teeming with new photos. The best part, though, was that my travel compatriots now love Turkey as much as I do.

It happens. Traveling to new places broadens who we are.

1. Build and strengthen friendships.

I knew most of the ten people in our tour group, but they didn’t know each other. By the end of our weeks together we were a cohesive, caring clan. Sharing unique experiences is a wonderful way to bond; whether old friends or new, traveling together builds relationships.

You can tell we’re bonded both by our smiles and our “blue clothing” theme. Left to right: Me, Tom Olson, Tony Paulus, Jane Johnson, and Jane Hofkamp (light hair), Sue Nordman, Sally Nankivell, Marnie Paulus, Rondi Olson, and Jini Danfelt–friends all!

2. Challenge yourself

Some of us visit the same places year after year because they’re comfortable That’s fine. However, visiting a country with a different language and culture stretches you. It challenges every part of you—your senses, your palate, your ears, and even your sense of self. Waking to the Call to Prayer, so different from the loon calls of my northwoods home, warmed my heart each morning.

Some of our group took the plunge and hopped on an early morning balloon ride in Cappadocia. Jini toasts them with her morning Java.

3. Expand your knowledge

I was bored with history through school, yet when I visit a foreign country as an adult, I’m fascinated with the sequence of events that brought it to where it is. Turkey’s rich history, both political and religious, continues to spur my desire to learn more. After traveling I always come home eager to devour both historical fiction and non-fiction about the places I’ve seen.

A Turkish bath is DEFINITELY a new cultural experience, and we loved sharing the adventure. L to R: Sally Nankivell, me, Jini Danfelt, Jane Johnson, Rondi Olson

4. Experience new cuisines

Ah, the food! There’s something about new tastes that elivens the palate. From the döner of street vendors to the haute cuisine of the world-renowned Mikla Restaurant, my palate was tickled daily in Turkey. Breakfasts of tomatoes, cucumbers, dried fruit, bread, eggs, and olives greeted me each morning, and I blush to confess that I never left my plate with fewer than 20 olive pits. We experienced the unique cuisines of each region, always preceded by mezes (Turkish appetizers). One favorite dish was the testi kabob, a rich stew baked in a pottery jar that’s brought flaming to the table, then broken with a flourish by an enthusiastic waiter. And of course, the fish was not to be missed—grilled head-on, it required a bit of finesse to separate the flesh from the bones, but we were rewarded with the tantalizing flavors of fresh, light trout or sea bass.

We happily indulged in a fabulous sea bass dinner on Istanbul’s Galata Bridge.

5. Learn about yourself

As you traverse a new country, you can’t help but push the limits of your abilities, both physical and emotional. You may find yourself conquering hills you would never have attempted, or foraging into buildings you might not have explored. You’ll be astonished at how well you can communicate with signs and pantomime. Your confidence increases along with your curiosity as you immerse yourself into new experiences.

We were definitely challenged by the rough terrain as we explored the ruins of Termessos on a mountaintop near Antalya (on the Mediterranean coast).

6. View the world through a new lens

I’m embarrassed that my country is so self-absorbed that we seldom know what’s going on outside our Western World. Shame on us. I love seeing the world through the lens of a different culture, viewing the advances and accomplishments of a smaller country and listening to their perspectives on America.

Nazmi Bey fascinated us all with information about Turkish carpets during our stay at his Bella Hotel in Selçuk.

7. Understand world politics

When I’m overseas I pay much more attention to international politics. Visiting a less-known destination helps dispel the myth that a few countries dominate the world. Each country plays a role, and each faces its own issues. Turkey currently struggles with the ever-increasing power of their president, and they’re beginning to kick back. I loved discussing this issue with the Turks; I have yet to meet anyone happy with the current situation.

There’s a major conflict between the liberal Kemalists and the current Islamist government in Turkey. Imagine our surprise at finding this cardboard version of Mustafa Kemal Ataturk (Turkey’s founder and hero of the liberals) waiting for photo ops in the Antalya Airport. Yup, that’s me beside him.

8. See your position in the world

Travel helps me realize how broad the world is, populated by people with varied lifestyles and experiences. When I volunteered in Ethiopia I was touched by the desperate need of people who still found it in their hearts to smile. In Turkey I was repeatedly helped by people who had no reason to care about my needs. I can’t help but realize my insignificance in this world of 7+ billion people, each one as important as I am. It brings to mind these lyrics from “The Galaxy Song” by Monty Python:

So remember, when you’re feeling very small and insecure,

How amazingly unlikely is your birth;

And pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere out in space,

‘Cause there’s bugger all down here on Earth!

9. Spread the word

Because of your experiences, you’ll share insights and stories with friends. Of course you don’t want to bore them with a grocery list of events, but it’s fun to interject an anecdote about your first experience in a Turkish bath or your awe at the ancient ruins of Ephesus. Your stories can open the world to those less apt to tackle the adventures you’ve enjoyed.

Who wouldn’t be amazed at the Fairy Chimney homes of Cappadocia? This one has been converted into the Kelebek Hotel, probably my favorite hotel in the world (complete with resident pooch.)

And, last but not least, travel helps us…

10. Appreciate home!

I’m always glad to return home; being away makes me more thankful for my life in Minnesota. Though I left warm sunny days behind, I was undaunted at the ice still on our lake. I reveled in time with good friends and dove back into local activities. It’s the life I choose, the home I love, and the wilderness I occasionally leave to explore the world beyond.

You can read more about the Turkey tour on Ann Marie’s Istanbul.

This article first appeared on Sixty and Me: